Resolutions

This is going to be a difficult blog post to write.

I am going to say NO in this post.

I was raised to say yes, whenever, wherever I can. Growing up, saying yes to someone's request symbolized caring, respect, humility and love. Saying no, by default, meant the opposite of those emotions. I was trained as a child, to always give what is mine to others, even when I was not quite ready to give it, even when the needs of others were not quite that pressing. I was conditioned to be there for those who need help, never mind how they chose to repay you.

In retrospect, my parents raised me to be an angel, but I have to live on this earth. I have, in earlier posts, talked about how blessed I was to have met great friends last year. However, what was unsaid, was that I have also met a lot of dementors too.

According to J K Rowling & Wikipedia, dementors "....feed on the positive emotions, happiness and good memories of human beings, forcing them to relive their worst memories." My closest friends know and have heard of how they had affected me.

So this year, I am going to say NO to every one of them. I owe it to myself, and my friends who helped me through my down time when these people sucked all the positive emotions out of me. I feel that not saying NO to those who do not care about me is equivalent to me not respecting those who want me to be happy. Hence, without much ado...

This year, I WILL NOT allow others to hold me hostage in a place or an activity against my wishes

This year, I WILL NOT friend and follow, both in real and online life, anyone who brings bad vibes to my life without a second thought or a second chance.

This year, I WILL NOT allow anyone to disrespect me, my friends or my country.

This year, I WILL NOT try to help everyone in need. Some people do not deserve it.

This year, I WILL NOT hesitate to call cops on those whose behaviors border on the psychotic.

This year, I WILL NOT worry about what was said and what was broken.

This year, WILL NOT apologize just to resolve conflict.

However, this year, I will

Help my friends when I have the time, energy and inclination to do it, and do it without any expectations.

Stop saying yes when I mean may be, and stop saying may be when I mean no.

Keep trying out new things, but also say no when I feel like it.

I have realized that by saying YES to everything and everyone, I end up saying NO a lot to myself and what I want to do. Life is so short, I have to live it the best way I think it should be lived. I do not have it in me to save the world, but I can make it a happier place for a very select number of people.

If I could revist my past...

I would tell this to my 17 year old self, who was very Indian, very mallu.

1. Stop being so judgmental. Do not judge a person's morality by checking if they smoke, drink alcohol or have been in a physical relationship.While we are at it, relationships are supposed to be physical.



2. Love at first sight is a lie. Curiosity, attraction, and the feeling of 'I would like some of that' at first sight are all true. Do not confuse them with love.



3. Even though you look like the ugly duckling now, one day, you will be called beautiful in a regular basis.



4. Do not think that anyone over 23 is old. You will be older than that day, and feel younger than you were feeling now.



5. Do not waste your time changing yourself for anyone. Change as change happens to you.
   



6. Friends before gents, any time.
   



7. Value the honesty of your friends. Have friends who love you enough to be honest with you, not the ones who want to gloss over the truth.



8. Stand up for yourself. You don't have to make everything better for everyone.



9. You will never be cool.But you will be well liked and accepted by people who you think are cool.



10. You will have the satisfaction of obliquely giving the bird to those relatives who piss you off.

If you could time travel back ten years, what are the 10 things that you would tell your younger self?

New resolutions for spring

So looking back at my To Do lists for the year, here are the status updates. The first one is a list from last year, for this one, and the second one was done sometime in early January this year and scribbled out on a piece of paper.

1.I want to run - started off well, but being sick put frequent dampeners on it. Planning to resume from when the temperature hits 10 degrees or when I work out of office.

2. I want to give away stuff - Success, it has become more of a habit now.

3. I want to jive - doing that, loving that. Dancing makes me drink less as I get my high just from music and hydration from tap water.

4. I will invite more friends home - success, I was requested for invites and requests were made of specific foods. Having one this Sunday, may have another this Saturday.

The paper list:

5. Climb the Parliament steps : did that in the middle of the night and during day time. Night view was much better.

6.Go to a rock festival : Got the tickets, it is in June

7.Go to Greece/Tuscany/Paris/Venice : Not yet. Still searching Expedia for good deals.

8. Write regularly: It has been happening. Averaging about 150 words a day without writers block. Mixing up old stories and making up new ones rather nicely.

9. Give everything to a friendship or relationship without any expectations and see what happens: It was an interesting experience. Got a lot of material for #4.

10. Go on a trip alone: It is something of an annual ritual for me. Not sure where to go this time.

11. Go to a bar alone: I am grateful that I have been unable to do this so far ( big thanks to all those lovely people who have been giving me company). Guess I will cross the road and go to the neighborhood bar one of these days. Or may be to the jazz bar.

12. Make Sushi: Will do, as soon as my Indian meal experiments will end. And planning to experiment on the Indians this time :)


Which brings me to the new list. Assigning one event for a month, including April, I should have a total of nine things in my to start list. And here they are:

1. Run at least 3 hours a week.
2. Go to Greece/Tuscany/Paris/Venice
3. Go on a trip alone
4. Go to a bar alone
5. Make Sushi
6. Play more board games
7. Take up a new hobby which will exercise my body
   
8. Go to Srilanka/Nepal/HongKong
9. Go trekking/hiking

PS: And I already have two more added to my paper list. Lets check back in three months as to what all have been done.

25 things about me 'meme'

When Jina had her list up, I had an inkling that my name would be there. Now, 25 things about me which people have not known is difficult. I usually talk a lot, and in that process, share a bit too much about my life too. Anyways, let me try now...

25. I don't know how to flirt. If a guy is flirting with me, I can not make that out either.
24. I love cooking. But I prefer innovating in the kitchen than trying the traditional/same old stuff
23. I have extreme anger. But I always keep it under check.
22. Often when people are mean/bitchy to me, I do not react as the first things that come to my mind are very much unprintable.
21. I had my first soft toy when I was 22. And my first story book when i was 3.
20. I love Kerala but I dont miss the people there.
19. I get high on the feeling of freedom.
18. I have bathophobia - and no silly, its not the fear of taking baths!
17. I miss the monsoon the most.
16. When I was a child, I was possessive of the sun as I thought it was named after me ( yeah, I am very humble.)
15. I love comics.
14. I get hyper afraid when I watch horror movies.
13. I am a creative liar. I once made a roommate belive that I was a mallu princess adopted by Christians. Making her realize the truth was more difficult.
12. I am very cynical of Disney cartoons. I blame it on an overdose of Terry Pratchett.
11. I have a pretty good memory about things that people tell me.
10. I dont like being cold at all.
09. I have a huuuge crush on Edward Norton.
08. I love playing mind games.
07. I go awww... more often when I see dogs than when I see kids. Them I see as little individuals.
06. My first pet was a cat her name was Pussy after the cat in the nursery song about Pussy cat going to London to meet the Queen. I was one then.
05. I learnt to read at three. I used to read the children's books at that age.
04. My favorite drinks in the world are neembu paani, morum vellam and tequila shots.
03. I only get drunk with people whom I am comfortable with.
02. Growing up, I was a communist/socialist. Now I am a hardcore individualist.
01. I open up about many things in my life so that I can turn your attention away from what I want to to hide from you. Till now, the success rate has been 100%.

And I tag...

Nikhil
GG
Saji
DD

Movies.. movies...in this year...

First, I wanted to make a list of movies which I liked. But then, life is defined by moments of love and hate and 'what the heck were they thinking?. So, here are my movie moments from 2008:

The movie which redeemed my faith in Superhero genre after the traumatic experience of watching Spiderman cry:



The movie the then came along and kicked the ass of the above movie so much that I did not miss the show even after falling from an escalator ( its very very difficult to walk up an escalator going down). And it was my second viewing.



The movie which betrayed me:



Edward Norton, I love you. But I did not go to this movie to watch you play a brilliant scientist with a sad, sad story left to tell. I went to watch HULK smash things and people, not to see you play the tortured soul. For that, I would have watched Pride and Glory or Painted Veil. Stick to indie movies, please. And next time, please do some comedy - you are only going to be 40 man, its not the end of your life!

The song which can put me in a peppy mood even on a rainy and cold day:



The song which goes best with red wine:



The movie which I can watch again and again :



Movies yet to watch:

Aamir
A Wednesday
Cadillac Records
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
Gran Torino
Marley & Me
Milk
Mumbai Meri Jaan
Slumdog Millionaire
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Wrestler
Transporter Three
Yes Man

But the one movie which I really, really want to watch, is this :



:-)

And finally, the movie which made me re-like Brad Pitt & George Clooney:

The allure of Brad Pitt was somewhat lessened after me became Ms. Joilie's wife. Ooops, sorry, my bad, partner. Clooney was fast becoming a male Paris Hilton - always being photographed, being with different and younger women who look like clones of each other. However, this one movie made me remember that those two men are pretty good actors.



That's about today. Do sugggest any good movies that I might have missed. And oh, not considering the OST of Slumdog here because man, its a class apart.

For the next year....

Its that time of the year when people start making lists. Christmas lists, New year resolutions... the like. Being a Hindu means I never celebrated the gift giving tradition in Christmas. I of course will be giving some of my friends some gifts when I visit them, but that would have happened even in the middle of the perfectly ordinary day. Like the Mad Hatter, I believe in celebrating Not a Birth Days.

So, for the next year...

1. I want to run - more often, for more time. But it is January, in Finland. However, we have an office gym open 7 days a week and I have friends who frequent the same regularly. So I will be there come next year, to do some Indian bonding and to run a bit.

2. I want to give away stuff - more regularly, more methodically. I do have more clothes and accessories than I need, and I end up wearing the same stuff most of the times. I had already given away around five bags full of clothes, but I want to take a look at other things too, that may find better homes with someone else.

3. I want to jive - by myself or with friends, to head thumping music. I have friends who love rock to jazz to even heavy metal. And I must go for concerts with them, and when they are busy, I should go alone.

4. I want to travel - there are friends across Europe, who would be happy to have me visit them for a few days. There are places, about which I have only read about but always wanted to go. And there are places where I want to go again; to experience what I missed last time, and to relive amazing experiences. With others, alone - it does not matter.

5. I will invite more friends home - and will have pizza parties to traditional Indian meals. I love cooking for others, but my home always seems to be a mess. I just need to clean up the place first. But the first invites go out in January.

And when I get used to this five, I will replace them with more activities.

Back again...

After almost a month ( so much for a new year resolution of blogging every three days) I am back here.

The upside of not blogging for so long is having a lot of things to write about.

The downside of not blogging for so long is having a lot of things to write about.

I could, for example, blog about how much spam I receive in my Yahoo account - so much, so that certain regulars like Editor Bob and Carmen, trying to make me buy medicines which will enlarge body parts I don't have, email me more frequently than many of my friends.

Or else, I could take the lazy way out and post some pictures here of the Sweden trip that me, BR and BT took.

Else I can blog about BT. How for two years, even though we lived pretty close, she was just a random chick for me. How joining the same company has made me see a different side of her, and how now she is one of the few people who's comments I take time to think about, and try acting upon.

Or about the new bunch of Indians, whom we met here, who were helpful and ready with a thousand tips.

Or about the adventure of living alone; with no parents, no flatmates, not even that staple of all Indian homes - a बाई ( bai = female servant) - to help you out.

About some of the most well mannered and beautiful looking people I have even seen. Sadly, this place has more women ( who are mostly hot looking) than men...

About seagulls with attitude.

About the dogs and kids around here. well mannered, throwing tantrums at times.

About keeping in touch with friends back home.

About my fear of winter.

About a beautiful city.

But I think I have made my come back post now... :)

Listed

In the next few months to one year, I would like to:

Learn to ski : I haven't even seen snow; but I plan to learn how to ski around...

Take better photographs : Now, my photography is more about instinct. I need to learn the science of taking better pictures, and need to train my eye that the pictures are as striking as they can be.

Learn photo-editing: I need to understand and learn how I can use softwares to make real life look even more realistic. Beautiful, striking, thought provoking - definitely yes; but very much realistic.

Be a better cook: Like photography, I need to apply a certain discipline to my cooking. Being a maverick is all very well; but a lot of cooking is about the familiarity that certain smells, looks and tastes evoke. I need to develop this skill.

Write : I need to put down what is in my mind to paper more often; and preferably in a way so that I can satisfy myself as a reader.

Tech savy: I want to participate and understand about the online world and technology. I would like to make sense out of it, and help others also to do the same. I need to develop my knowledge & skills for the same.

Travel: I want to travel more; and experience the different things that life has to offer.

Any suggestions, ideas, comments - most welcome!

Sounds of beauty

If you are reading this blog, then you probably see beauty in everyday life than experience it in other forms. But at times, the sounds of world do have their own ways of creating goosebumps in your brain. Try these sounds, you may like them.


The low rumbling of imminent rain, which after a few seconds transfer into a rainstorm.

Best heard when you are sitting in a courtyard with three open sides, just a roof to protect you from the rain, earth and plants all around in breathless anticipation. Drink to have in hand is kanji (rice brew) , coffee, spice tea or hot soup. For better experience, sit somewhere where the rain droplets can just miss you. The best companion is someone silent, like a dog or a cat.

Best experienced during Kerala monsoons, India- 2006.

The namaz from a mosque.

There is nothing as pure, or as hard hitting produced by humans as listening to the namaz which come to you from nowhere. Though I don't understand Arabic, any rendition beginning with Allah Akbar instantly transports me back to my childhood. The best place would be a desolate area, with just the prayer connecting you to humanity.

Best experienced in Bhubaneswar, India - 2007.



Wind washing the leaves.

Best heard when hiking through a forest, thick fog making it difficult to see anything one feet away from you. For added adrenalin rush, make sure that you are trekking through unknown mountain foot-wide path which drop down to a deep valley.

Best Experienced in Yerkadu, India - 2002.




A single church Bell.

Best when coupled with antique churches which stand in solitude. The single bell provides an experience that a cascade of them cannot match. Also listen to the echoes die away for the complete experience.

Best heard in Goa & Kerala.



The inner depths of an old palace courtyard / temple / museum.

It is not about the sound, but the lack of it. If we really listen in these places when the clatter and clutter is over, we can hear our body. The thumps, the wheezes, the ringings and the rumbles - all voices and noises real and imaginary is great to listen to; and if really lucky, we can have a good chat with ourselves without any agenda.

Any other sounds I should be listening to? Don't tell me about songs - song lists and instrumental music list will be up in sometime.