Monday, February 05, 2007

Story time!

Once upon a time, there was a little girl in a little town. She was the only child of her parents, and in a bout of misguided enthusiasm, her parents decided to make her the most perfect kid, ever.

As kids are born with faults, and a desire to question and disobey in the process, the parents decided to opt for corporal punishment. The now not so little girl's first memory of her life ever - is being suspended in mid air by her father holding her up and getting beaten. Household tales peg her at that time to be two. She had dared to be impolite to a guest during her birthday and refused to share the sweet porridge with her.

The little girl did not mind it much. For she thought that this was how all parents were. She did not go much into the houses of her friends, and even if she did, her parents were always ready to point out how easily the other kids obeyed their parents. So the little girl thought that she is being beaten because she is horribly bad, and that she herself is a bad bad child unlike the other kids, who love their parents despite the repeated beatings that they all have to undergo.

The little girl was pinched, hit, belted, shoved and pushed for her various misdemeanours by the time she was in class four. After that, her parents started to verbally abuse her. (I would have reproduced the abuses here, but for the 'objectionable content' flag of She never felt beautiful, felt that she was always too short or too tall, or too thin.

Years passed with no changes in the life equations. She still got abused, still thought that it was normal. She felt guilty as she did not love her parents, and her guilt validated the abuse that she was subjected to. She led a double life - happy and gregarious in school, dutiful in her extended family but feeling like the ugly duckling.

Somewhere along the line, she acquired spectacles. That it itself is an interesting story, for when she first noticed that she could not see and told the same to her mother, she accused her of lying and was chided for her attention seeking behaviour. It took many more months and a starting power of around -2.5 and -3 for her to get her first pair of glasses.

One fine day, her bubble was burst. Her friends in engineering hostel listened in horrified silence when she casually mentioned some of the abuses that her parents used to shower on her. Then it was her chance to be shocked and stunned as she was told that no, parents don't usually talk to their kids that way and no; kids also do not get beaten up that much.

At this point, I would like to write that the girl ultimately forgave her parents, her parents repented, she found the boy of her dreams and they all lived happily ever after.

You fools, but this is not a fairy tale. Realism sucks big time. The girl is now emotionally disconnected from her parents - she develops hypoallergenic drug requiring reactions when she talks to them ( can we have this in Ripley's believe it or not? ). She had met many men whom when she kissed, morphed from Princes to frogs and went croaking away. Her parents still think that they have done and are doing the best for her. She is over analytical, is a chronic pessimist, and need constant signs of approval and affection. She cannot go with the flow, she is too crippled for that. I think she is going to grow old and lonely and grow into a grumpy and silent old lady with a few dogs and cats for company. Or she may drink herself to liver cirrhosis and to early death. She doesn't care too much about herself anyways, and on bad days, the bitter reality of her life gnaws away at the last piece of rotting optimism in her kitchen shelf.

Now you know why she never goes home.

Now you know why she is chronically insecure and looks out for insults when none is implied.

Now you know why she doesn't want to get too close to you.

Now you know why she gets close to you despite not wanting to be close to you.

Now you know why she drinks herself to oblivion.

Now you know how she knows good things will never happen to her.

Now you know how she knows she is never good enough.
Now you know why she loves animals so much.

And like a doctor who is a drug junkie, she knows what is wrong, but cannot cure herself.

Ha ha! Gotcha you fellers! What did you expect, another sappy happy story? There is lot more to tell, but lets save it for another day, shall we?


Nariyal Chutney said...

I know the gal. Is this the same gal who studied in COEA and in a leading B School in India after working in Chennai

Gautam Ghosh said...

Can you let this girl know that she is not alone?

There are others who have walked this path in different times each thinking they are alone.

Zu said...

@ NC: yeah, kinda.

@ GG : m'kay, will tell her.

DD said...

The world is not such a cruel place...I am sure there is enough love all always rocks! It just depends on how you look at it...

ursjina said... i guess you have started stealing my thoughts..i have paranoid schizophrenia...but well maybe the story is different ..but the epilogue belongs to the dark brooding pages of a diary...thanx for telling the tale..the other one is placated on this feeling of having got is that right or wrong..i tell u im confused...

ok..forget all that nonsensical sense..hows u?...n hugs from me!!!..:)..hope cal is treating u good..

Sandeep Sadanandan said...

Hats off to that little girl (not little anymore)

I know a girl who went through more or less similar situations and she was broken at the age of 17. The little girl in the story has pulled through all this ... This little girl deserves to be honored.


Vimal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vimal said...

Someone I know wrote this

Hope you'd be inspired by it and live your life to the fullest :)

The Visitor said...

Hi Zu,

Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment. These days my blog has become inactive. :(
This post reminded me of some posts of premalatha, which are based on expectations of parents. See some links below:

I want you to be the best

Funny girl said...

Why did I feel like I just saw myself in the mirror when I read this post? Today is one of my bad days and on worse days,it just gets worse....anyway I got here through Sarah's blog and I really like the way you write.Very frank and very real.